He'll Be the End of Me - Brusnop - 3

        I got off my knees and swiped the bottle back, and made my way to the door, wiping my eyes. I was in the doorway when he stopped me.

"Don't go." He said.

"Why not?" I asked, not turning around.

"If you think it's awkward or I see you differently, I don't."

I blinked, my mind clearing but feeling blocked at the same time. I turned around to face him. He stood there in the center of the room, a sly smile on his lips.

"You're my best friend, mate. I don't care if you're gay or anything."

"But I'm not." I quickly protested.

I'm not gay. I like fucking women too much. Not as much as Danny, but I enjoy it. I like girls. They turn me on. Danny's just… an exception.

"Okay, maybe you're not, I don't know." He shrugged, "But I don't care. I'll help you if you want."

How could he help me? This can't be treated like a sickness. Whatever I have is not a sickness. The alcohol could help, but once I let my mind think again, the feelings would return. I can't stay in control forever, and I know that. I just wish I could.

"Listen." He said again. I hadn't realized how long I had stayed quiet. "Tomorrow after the show, we'll go to the bar. Get you a girl?"

I sighed and nodded.

"Good." He decided. "Now… go off to bed." He stepped closer, and grabbed the bottle back.

I sighed and trudged back to the bed, my insides strangling themselves. Danny and mystery girl were still going at it. Sam must've came my way, because he heard it too. He took one glance back to the bunk, and gave me a sympathetic smile, and handed the half full bottle back.

I grabbed it and chugged down till it was only 1/3 left. He continued on down the hall, and disappeared. I closed the curtain, and rolled over, not letting go of my only hope of getting through the night.

Thank god Danny's bunk isn't next to or above me. See, there's five members of the band. Three bunks, so I get to have a whole one to myself. But on the other side of the hallway, was James and Sam's, then the next set down was Cameron's and Danny's (and mystery girl's, for the night.)

I brought myself to sit up, and drink more. I didn't want to think, and I knew I couldn't if I kept drinking.
Sam only knows, I told myself. And it will stay that way.
I drank till the bottle was gone, and by that time, I was tipsy. Not drunk, but tipsy. I wanted to be totally shitfaced, so I stumbled out of the bunk and held onto the walls as I made my way to the kitchen, hoping to find some whiskey or something.

I passed Cameron on the way, who was trying to get into the bunk, and he just laughed.

It was normal for me to be drunk, but I don't think of myself as an alcoholic. I tie 'alcoholic' with depressed and hating the fact they're drinking too much.
I like drinking, and I don't get upset over it.

I wandered to the kitchen, the whole scene wavering and lunging towards me. That was normal, too. I attempted to reach for the handle, missing two times, before finally pulling it open.
There was some leftover take out food, and a half bottle of brandy left on the shelf. I sighed loudly, and chugged the rest of it down.

The bus was moving, and I was fucking shitfaced. I clung onto the wall, my feet almost giving away.
I needed more. This isn't enough, I thought. I've been drunker than this. I kept staggering and grasping, and made my way to the front of the bus with much difficulty.

"James." I called, groaning. Silence, except for the rumbling of the bus and Danny's grunts, which seemed to be amplified. "James!" I called again.

"What?" He responded.

I spun around, hitting my head on the wall in the process. He chuckled.

"You're totally drunk, mate."

"Do you have any whiskey?" I slurred.

"Yeah, but you're not gettin' it." He laughed.

I know that. I thought to myself. Then it occurred to me he was talking about drinks. Right.

"Please, mate." I whined, stumbling towards.

He shook his head with a smug smile as he returned towards the bunks. I rested my arm on the wall and bowed my head to the floor. Even behind closed eyes, I could feel the tipsiness of the room. Then, a hand rested on my shoulder.
It was Sam.
And he was handing me a cup of rum.

"You'll forget in the morning." He said and watched me drink. When I was done, he put the cup on the table, and helped me walk back to my bunk.

I stumbled along the rug, his arm looped around mine. I could hear Danny climax, and the girl moan. Something inside me was breaking.

"Stop." I voiced my thoughts, clenching my eyes shut.

Sam sighed, but didn't say anything. The corners of my vision were blurring in and out. The sides of the bunks had a line of hue, while the whole scene threatened to tower over, leaning drastically, and reaching towards me.

"Come on." He encouraged, getting past Danny's bunk.

I crawled inside my bunk, putting my lips to the empty bottle. Of course nothing came out except one slow drip.

"Go to sleep." He said, shutting the curtain for me.

I rolled over, but all I could focus on was Danny and his goddamn erratic sounds. He didn't stop, I realized. Usually he takes one girl in, fucks them, then the girl leaves while he basks in the afterglow.
But he didn't stop.
Then, his sounds drifted out and the girl's voice was the only thing I heard. I could only imagine what he was doing to her.
Although I was fucking wasted, the feeling was still there. A tear ran down my face.
It's not going away like I hoped.
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