Can We Both Be Ugly? -1

I sat on the window seat of the bus, alone, gazing out to the ugly world. Dead leaves scattered the ground. Hanging tree limbs, the bark chipping off their bodies. Uneven roads and graffitied signs.
Not only did it look ugly.
It was ugly.
So much hurt and liars in this world. People that are so mindless and don't know what's waiting ahead of them. So inexperienced and reckless. Unknowingly walking straight into their downward spiral.
I've been spiraling downward for exactly four months and sixteen days.
Most people's downward spiral only lasts for about a week.
Mine keeps getting worse and worse as I keep falling further down.
I'm not exactly a normal person… well again who is?

I'm just different from everyone else I know.
Well, for one, I'm gay.
But, no, I'm not one of those stereotypical gays where they're really feminine, really sassy, and whatnot.
For two, I wanna kill myself.
That throw you off?
Do you think I'm just one of those annoying brats who say they're depressed when the worst that's happened to them is they got a C in a class? Do you think I'm just one of those bastards that just want attention so they claim they're not straight, they're depressed, or whatever?
Well I'm not.
I'm a real guy with real problems and just wants real love.

But here I am, throwing my life story and problems at you, when you don't even know my name.
My name is Gerard. Gerard Way, that is.
I'm fourteen years old and I live in New Jersey.

I guess from one answer, you can learn a lot about me.
In kindergarten, whenever they got asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, usually kids would say a teacher, or a vet, or a firefighter, or a ballerina, or whatever.
Me, I said I wanted to be a vampire, and I still hold onto that word.
I'm the kind of person that really likes to take a look at things and see it from a different perspective. Really see deep inside it to the core.
Most people take one glance and say they know what it is.
I like to stare at it before I can say what it is.


The bus stopped on the corner of Grove and Joralemon. About three kids got off. I watched them as they raced down the sidewalk, kicking up lifeless leaves up. They fluttered for a moment before settling back down to the pavement. I scrolled through my Ipod selections till I came across Morrissey.
Behind the music playing, I heard the soft rumbling of thunder starting up.

I've always loved thunderstorms. Not exactly sure why, but no matter how long I stare at the falling rain and darkened clouds, I can't exactly understand why I love it.
But the closest answer I have is: It's dark.
I like dark things.
Vampires, nighttime, mummies, the dead, blood, stuff like that.
Well when you live in Belleville, it's dark, and you just get used to it. But I've come to love it.

The bus finally stopped, so I got up. I stepped into the aisle and exited the bus. The bus driver told us all a goodbye, but I said nothing back. I crossed the street and started to walk home.
The rain drizzled all around me, falling on my raven colored hair and pale skin. The thunder rumbled again, the sound rippling through my flesh, giving me a quick blissful sensation before it settled into my stomach.
I looked up to the overcast sky.
It was dark, but at the same time it was ugly.
I guess the two are both something I can relate to; darkness and something so ugly.
That's me; ugly.